There was a time, not so very long ago, when most sex toys intimidated me. That may come as a surprise, seeing as I now review and promote toys on my blog and have amassed a fairly significant and ever-growing collection. It wasn’t that I was embarrassed, it wasn’t that I thought they were too kinky, the issue was function. I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to use most toys. Why, you ask?
Because I’m fat.
Media, advertising and the cult of consumerism in general are very divisive spaces to navigate when you are anything other than the established norm. This applies to so many people in so many groups, and unless you are a fit, able bodied, cishet caucasian person you have probably felt the othering that exists in these realms. It can be hard to know how to make choices for yourself, for what you need and want, when there is inadequate representation in the media, or when the products you desire feel as if they simply aren’t made for you.
A big part of my own personal journey into self and body acceptance has been via sex toys. If body positivity requires, and I think it does, that we accept the bodies we have now, not just an idealized version of a body we don’t yet have or are unable to achieve in the future, then we should access any resource that makes sense for us. For me, that meant better understanding my body and sexuality, and opening myself up to the world of sex toys and accepting that not all of them would be ideal. To my surprise there was more available to me than I thought!
Wand Style Vibes
The beauty of the classic wand-style vibes is that they are longer and bigger around than conventional vibrators and dildos. This gives you extra reach and leverage, as well as a more endurable grip, great features if you have a tummy to reach around, flexibility issues in your hips or pelvis or hands and forearms that are easily fatigued. I love the classic Hitachi Magic Wand (which now comes in a cordless version) but the Princess Pro Power Wand from Pink Cherry is in high rotation for me right now. Doxy makes a number of wands that have what can only be described as a cult following. I have never had the pleasure of owning a Doxy Wand (not yet!) but they are absolutely beloved by many bloggers and reviewers whose opinions I trust.
Suction Cup Dildos
I’ll admit, the first time I saw a suction cup on the base of a dildo I snorted with derision and rolled my eyes. But once I used one, I saw the potential and the payoff. Suction cups mean that you can attach a dildo to any smooth surface and you can get creative with a hands free experience that is only as physically daunting as you make it. Stick them to the wall of the shower and back up on them. Stick one to a chair or stool and sit comfortably as you ride it. Feeling bendy? Stick it to the floor and squat or kneel onto it. My favorite way to use them is stuck to the edge of the tub; you can straddle it and lean forward to support your upper body without much fear of losing your balance. I am a big fan of the fun and creative Unicorn Horns from Lust Arts which are totally customizable including a very strong suction cup base.
Double Ended Dildos
All bodies can reap the benefits of an extra long insertable toy because they improve reach, they are easy to use and they provide leverage to reach pleasure spots like the G-Spot and A-Spot. The Njoy Pure Wand is an industry darling, to say the least.
Plus Size Harnesses
Let me be completely candid, I would never have purchased a strap-on harness if it weren’t for online shopping. I think that in-store harness shopping is up there with bra and bathing suit shopping in terms of stress, potential for momentary self loathing and complete size and fit confusion. Luckily, we have the internet and it’s easier than ever to make such a purchase with confidence from the comfort of your couch. The Divine Diva Plus Size Harness is my personal favorite strap-on harness. It’s simple, totally adjustable and is comfortable to wear. If you fancy a panty/brief style harness, the folks at Spare Parts Hardware make a handful of styles and sizes up to 5X.
Toys as Gifts
If you’re making a purchase with another person in mind, take the time to consider their body, level of experience and ability factors such as dexterity and flexibility. When in doubt, have a conversation first and understand what their needs and desires are so you can make a confident purchase that will be well received and well loved. In addition to the toys mentioned here you may want to consider Kegel balls or eggs, products meant to be mounted like Liberator’s BonBon or remote control insertable toys. This guide has focused on genital-centric toys. Let’s not forget though, that there is a whole world of pleasure and excitement to be found without genital stimulation and as many toys as there are sensations. Don’t forget about sensory toys like Wartenburg Wheels, nipple clamps, gags and blindfolds, buttplugs and other accessories designed to excite and arouse. The ever-pragmatic Dangerous Lilly has lots of great considerations for sex toy gifting that you can read here.
Sex and masturbation can feel like an athletic or gymnastic feat for lots of bodies for lots of reasons. To that I say: do what works for you and use toys that will help, not hinder, your pleasure. You deserve it, everyone (and every body) does.
This is a guest post by Violet Fawkes for RGN Toys Direct. Loquacious by nature, Violet Fawkes puts virtual pen to paper as the sole author of “Love, Violet”, a sex, body, and kink positive blog focusing on erotic photography and erotic FemDom fiction. When not writing, Violet can be found consuming unholy amounts of coffee and testing and reviewing sex toys.